I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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