we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
