Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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