every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize