I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
