I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize