I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
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