saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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