I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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