I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
