i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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