whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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