i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
