Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
The struggles of a small town man whore
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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