I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Randomize