I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
