Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I will pee on everything he values.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Randomize
