I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
