Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize