my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
