I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize