She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
