No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize