My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
