wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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