I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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