True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
