Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
