There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
