Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
