I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
