Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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