Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
