Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
