Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
