Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
