I think my fart just growled at me.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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