If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
