I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
