I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
