hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
