Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
