im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Randomize
