WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
