did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
