think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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