How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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