Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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