I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
