Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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