If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
