apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
