I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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