a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
