my phone needs a breathalizer
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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