Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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