True but thats because hes a fetus.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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