I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
