Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
