i think i have two assholes
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
