Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
