So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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