you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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