I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
