Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
