are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
