on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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