This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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