I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
