at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
