But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
