she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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