belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
