this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize