This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
